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The Determining Factors Of Hypersexual Disorder

The adverse symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior, or also known as “hypersexual disorder, ruin a person’s life. These include friends and family relationship, as well as the marriage. A person may suffer from irrational thinking, obsession, and even mental health issues. It is a severe issue that one needs to address as soon as possible.

What Is Hypersexual Disorder?

Hypersexual disorder is a condition where a person repetitively engages in sexual activities. These include having uncontrolled urges that most of the time affect an individual’s mood. Usually, the sexual desire makes him involved in sexual contact even without permission from the other person. In some unfortunate circumstances, the condition results in severe cases of mental health problems such as boredom, anxiety, irritability, and depression. Its impulsivity component leads a person to do inappropriate things that eventually interfere in daily life activities.

Signs Of Having A Hypersexual Disorder

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Obsession With Sex – Hypersexual disorder engages in sex obsession up to the point that it takes over someone’s life. A person in this condition spends an extraordinary amount of time thinking and fantasizing about sex itself. As a result, it more likely increases an individual’s urge until he can no longer control the desire of having sexual intercourse. Sexual obsession is also pervasive in people who experience obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). That’s because it somehow supports and increases the focus on sexual ideas and impulses, unwanted thoughts, and image spotlighting from any sexual content.

Excessive Masturbation – It is a habit that contributes mostly to hypersexual disorder. That’s because the sex addiction sign becomes the center of an individual’s life. Instead of being outside and engaging in different activities with families and friends, the habit of excessively masturbating becomes a priority. In some unfortunate events, the urge takes over without prior notice. It is often one of the several ways people do to escape their problems, particularly in a relationship.

Excessive Planning On Sexual Activity – Sex addicts spends a lot of time thinking, imagining, and figuring out where and where they will engage in sexual activity. It becomes harmful to an individual because instead of planning for work, school, or personal activities, having sex becomes a priority. There’s not even a single time that sex didn’t come up in a person’s head. Excessive planning represents sexual obsession up to excessive masturbation.

Having Multiple Sex Partners – Sex addicts usually engage in multiple sex partners because it increases their feeling of satisfaction. A frequent one night stand supports the idea of a problematic mental condition too. That’s due to the correlation of mental illness and having multiple sexual relationships. The lack of emotional fulfillment within this type of casual connection may even lead to substance abuse due to self-medication.

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Frequent Time Viewing Pornography – The excessive amount of viewing pornography in adult magazines, videos, websites, webcams, and chatrooms, is a sign of a hypersexual disorder. These varieties of ways become part of a person’s life where it gets uncontrolled. Sometimes, even dating websites becomes a way too. That is where the person interacts with someone who is also interested in participating in a sexual relationship even without direct body contact. However, it is essential to note that porn addiction is different from sexual addiction. That’s due to its specific and independent cause and symptoms that lead to severe consequences.

Staying Emotionally Detached – The problem with sex addicts is their inability to establish a long-term healthy relationship with their partners. That is why they often avoid becoming emotionally attached to someone even though there’s an instant sexual connection. Since an emotional connection supports a better sexual relationship, the lack of it only increases anxiety and depression.

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Frequent Engagement in Phone Sex Activities – Same as pornography, a person with the hypersexual disorder often turns to phone sex for satisfaction. That is because phone sex provides sex addicts a form of human interaction even without a direct physical connection. In some unfortunate events, the excessive phone sex activity can escalate into reckless sexual practice, consistent hiring of prostitutes, sexual aggression, and substance abuse during intercourse. It also leads to an increase in dangerous sexual behavior such as autoerotic asphyxiation.

Engaging In Sexual Behavior That Conflicts With Values – As a person, it is essential to understand one’s sexual values. These may differ from everyone else, but it should correspond to an individual’s culture, religion, and moral beliefs. These elements cause a strong conflict among sex addicts because of their inability to avoid significant situations that encourage the act. From there, a cycle begins and never stops because the continuation of the sexual practice becomes a habit and eventually turns out as a need.

Engaging In Paraphilias – Sex addicts, in some instances, engage in unacceptable and unusual sex behaviors. There’s voyeurism where it involves sexual acts such as observing a naked person. There’s exhibitionism where a person finds pleasure in exposing one’s genitals to a stranger. There are masochism and sadism associates with each other by enjoying an inflicted pain while having sexual intercourse. And there’s pedophilia where sexual desire directs toward children

A sex addict is incapable of stopping himself despite the many consequences. These may include social reasons, financial instability, mental and emotional health-related issues. With these, the need for immediate treatment is a must.

Trauma Of Being Married To A Sex Addict

We all have our dark secrets, which we would rather keep to ourselves.  I never thought that my husband’s secret was this worse.  But don’t get me wrong, he was a good boyfriend.   Our early years as a married couple were peaceful and loving until we had our first baby.

 

Things Started To Change

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He bought me erotic lingerie, the next day he had these toys, and it’s adding up.  Some, I admit I don’t mind using but not the others.  I allowed him to do some things for I thought it was just his way of spicing things up.  But things started to get weird when he invited his alleged girl friend to stay overnight, and she stayed in our room.  The next things that happened were the start of my nightmares.

 

It’s A Hell Of A Shame

Our bedroom which I cherished as our love nest turned to be my hell.  I have to give in to his sexual fantasies and has literally become his sex toy.   As days went by, things I was discovering were becoming worse and worse.  Like, the internet porn site to which he subscribed to.   The girls he would invite to the house to have sex party with.

 

I Could Not Take It Any Longer 

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Being married to a sex addict is a shameful thing.  There’s nothing more I can do to make him change.   Every time, I would attempt to leave him, he would beg me not to, with a promise that he would change.  But he’s not.   He’s just becoming worse each day.

 

Seeking Help

Living such a life is torture and very traumatic.  I seek help to get past the pain.   It was this time that I got educated about sex addiction and realized many things about what my husband was going through.  I wanted to help him more than change him.

 

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If you think you are struggling with having a partner with sex addiction, don’t you think he, too, is struggling with his addiction?  Maybe much worse, for he has been hooked to it for a more extended period than you do.

 

What Can You Do

Try talking to him about it.  Ask him how did he think it started.  It could be something about his childhood, abuse, or whatever.  Tell him that you wanted to help him, and have a better relationship.   He would listen if he trusts you, especially if your guy is a nice man from the start.

 

The willingness to cooperate must come from him.   You can’t force things into him.  So if he’s not willing to get treatment, the rest is up to you.

 

Make Your Decision

Separation

You have to decide if you want to have some time apart to think things over or stay by his side.  If you decide to stay, it means you accept his every flaw.  Acceptance but not losing your own self-respect.  You got to be sure that your opinion about things is still heard.

 

When It Come To Having Sex

You definitely have a say up to what extent you are willing to do inside the privacy of your bedroom.   You got to stand up for things you don’t want to do.  When you’re not comfortable with something, make it known.  Don’t just do things blindly for his satisfaction.  It’s your body, you have the right to set boundaries.

 

Fear For STDs

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea that he might have sexually transmitted disease, it’s okay to say no to having sex, especially with an unfaithful spouse.  And when there are other people he wanted to be involved in your sexual activities, you can decline for your own safety.

 

It’s near to impossible to make your sex addict partner stop.  The initiative to get help and stop his addiction should come from him.  The best thing you can do is to get yourself heal first from the trauma.  Be with a support group, have therapy, surround yourself with people who can help you get back the self you lost.

 

Then, allow yourself to forgive him from the trauma he may have caused you.  It may take time, it may cause you to revisit the pain again, but being able to do that is very important for both of you.  Your forgiveness could be the encouragement he needs to seek help.

 

Habits Of A Reformed Sex Addict

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Like any addiction, a sexual addiction is not easy to get rid of. It changes the way someone thinks, acts, and reacts, and the addiction will change that person forever. Also not unlike other addictions, the road to getting “sober” for the sex addict can make a person stronger than they were before and fill them with the power and self-respect they need, such is the belief of an organization called Ready 4 Change. Staying sober once you get there is the last tough part of getting clean, so here are some healthy habits and lifestyle changes for the reformed sex addict.

 

Accountability

It is always good to have someone who cares about you by your side through the ups and downs, no matter who that someone is. When going through hard times, you need a person to help you back up. When going through the good times, it is nice to have someone to enjoy it or share it with. When someone wants to accomplish a goal, it is just as important to have a friendly face at his/her side through that as well. An accountability partner can be the person who gives you that last push to get you to achieve your goal. Having a partner to keep you honest while recovering from an addiction is almost necessary. A person who knows exactly what your weak points are can be the strength you don’t have to help you resist the temptation to give in. While, yes, it can be extremely tough to open up to someone about a sexual addiction, it will be worth it when you’re close to breaking a clean streak and in need of someone to talk you out of it.

 

Identifying Emotions and Knowing Your Limits

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Oftentimes, emotions will trigger the problem behavior(s) in addicts, and this can be the easiest way for someone to fall back into the addiction. Because strong emotions and mental turmoil like depression, anxiety, and loneliness can act as triggers for the addict, they are definitely something to watch out for. The problem behaviors of a sexual addiction are usually a way to cope with those emotions. By finding alternate ways to handle anxiety, depression, and loneliness, it can become increasingly easier to resist the temptation to succumb to the urges brought on by the addiction.

In dealing with depression and anxiety, there are many treatments. While medications for these can be greatly beneficial, even doing things like going to counseling/therapy, exercising, meditating, or talking to friends and family can also help with these mental health issues. As mentioned above, having someone to keep you accountable can make all the difference in maintaining sobriety as well as helping with feelings of loneliness. The common triggers aren’t going to be everyone’s triggers, thus it is important to know what makes you want to give in. Sex addiction covers many categories of behaviors, habits, and preferences. Because of that, there can be specific-to-you triggers and temptations (outside of emotions and mental health problems) that must also be taken seriously. These can be images, sounds, people, etc., so it is important to be aware of the ones that can act as triggers for you.

 

Forgiving Yourself

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Lastly, recovering and former addicts should always remember that they are only human. It is vital that those who are healing as well as those who have been clean for years forgive themselves when they slip. The harder you are on yourself, the more discouraged you become and the easier it is to forget why you started the journey to sobriety to begin with. Make it a habit of reminding yourself of the reasons you are attempting to beat the addiction. Encourage, be encouraged by others, and stay strong. The road to healing isn’t supposed to be easy. It is a challenge and one that can be overcome.

How Porn Affects The Brain 

                                                            

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The science behind memorization, learning, and similar functions in the brain are familiar to most people. School has taught most of us about neurons and how messages use them to travel throughout the brain. Most of us are also aware that the more a neuron is used (repetition of a behavior or thought), the stronger the connection becomes. This is when memorization, second-nature, and habits become real and lasting, as long as those neurons are being used often.

Now think of how addictions form and the similarities between creating a habit and becoming addicted to something. An addiction changes the brain in that the connections become stronger, the behavior becomes a habit, something the person becomes used to on a regular basis. Porn addiction is dangerous for just that reason. Viewing graphic sexual images and videos repeatedly creates pathways in the brain that only strengthen and change the brain for the worse.

 

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Working Together When Your Significant Other Has A Sexual Addiction

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So you’ve found out that your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse has a sexual addiction. Now, this could mean a variety of things (excessive viewing of pornography, infidelity, etc.), but it doesn’t really matter at this point because the bottom line is that it is an addiction, a disease, and an extremely damaging one at that. For some, this could be the end of the relationship because of the severity of the addiction and its effects on both people. For those who want to make this relationship work despite the struggles of one half, it is an uphill battle that will be difficult for both partners. There are solutions to the problems, tips for the tough times, but in the end, it is how the couple works together that will determine whether they make it through the addiction or not.

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Mantras For The Healing Sex Addict

 

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Like any addiction, a sexual addiction is a tough challenge to overcome. The damage a sexual addiction can do to one’s mental health is enough to motivate someone to want to change his or her behaviors. Because it is such a difficult thing to overcome an addiction and all of the bad habits associated with it, it is important to create new and healthier habits to replace them. For many, mantras are great for reinforcing ideas and goals, reminding the healing addict why he or she is trying to quit, and encouraging/motivating when it is more difficult to resist the temptations.

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Women And Sex Addiction

 

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In our culture today, women tend to have a little extra pressure put on them by society. Whether it is about appearance, career, lifestyle, or sexual orientation, they find themselves under scrutiny very often and this can be an extremely tough thing to deal with. When it comes to sexual preferences, women seem to not have as much freedom to enjoy what they enjoy without being judged or objectified. Women are expected to act like ladies one moment, and then later on act out their men’s wild fantasies. If they do not act like perfect “ladies”, they are called promiscuous and told they do not have any self-respect. If they are unwilling to help males live out their sexual daydreams, they are prudes and not even worth the time.

In addition to problems like that, women have also been misunderstood when it comes to things like porn and preferences. Most people assume that primarily men are in the pool of people who view porn on a regular basis, when in fact this is simply untrue. Women are not expected to have fantasies or watch pornographic videos or movies, and so they become self-conscious about the fact that they do do these things. When things get out of control and it becomes an addiction, it can be too difficult for a woman to trust someone to want to help without judgment, so she might not even try.

 

Women and Mental Health   

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Sexual addictions will affect anyone in negative and dangerous ways, and it is toxic to the brain. Mental health plummets when one has an addiction, and people who suffer from addictions can develop mental illnesses and disorders. Because women tend to succumb to depression more often than men, this pposes aserious danger to the female population. Sexual addictions are often a result of/triggered by strong negative emotions like anxiety and depression, and they can help to further these mental problems. When trying to resist urges brought on by the addiction, many will fail and spiral into a dark hole of self-hatred. Higher depression tendencies in women mean that they might stay in that self-loathing a while longer, or even get stuck there. It is important for women to know the dangers and natural tendencies that they face in order to not be afraid to seek the help they need when they need it.

 

Seeking Help

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Nearly every sex-related topic is most likely talked about more by males than females. Typical guy comedies are full of jokes about sex and every sexual act you can think of. This separation of topic talk has been going on for decades, and finally, little thanks to feminism, women have been able to be more vocal about sexual problems they face and struggle with. That being said, girls and women everywhere are still slow to say what they are going through for fear of being judged, and this holds true for sexual addictions. Our society must become more open to hearing the voices of everyone if women are to receive the help they need and deserve. Likewise, women of the country must voice out their problems if they are to be helped at all, and this will take courage and self-love. We need to break this habit of keeping sex less talked-about for women so that they might come out to talk about their addictions without feeling unnecessary amounts of guilt and embarrassment.

When faced with a female friend, family member, or significant other who is struggling with a sexual addiction, it is important to be patient and understanding, as well as supporting and slow to judge.

Porn and its Effects: Behind the Screen

 

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Pornography, unfortunately, has become a commodity around the world. It is used by every demographic, gender, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. Because of its popularity and normalization in American culture, our society tends to overlook the harm it has done to the people who watch and look at it as well as to the people involved in making it and performing in it. Pornography used to be something you had to go into a store to purchase.

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