We all have our dark secrets, which we would rather keep to ourselves. I never thought that my husband’s secret was this worse. But don’t get me wrong, he was a good boyfriend. Our early years as a married couple were peaceful and loving until we had our first baby.
Things Started To Change
He bought me erotic lingerie, the next day he had these toys, and it’s adding up. Some, I admit I don’t mind using but not the others. I allowed him to do some things for I thought it was just his way of spicing things up. But things started to get weird when he invited his alleged girl friend to stay overnight, and she stayed in our room. The next things that happened were the start of my nightmares.
It’s A Hell Of A Shame
Our bedroom which I cherished as our love nest turned to be my hell. I have to give in to his sexual fantasies and has literally become his sex toy. As days went by, things I was discovering were becoming worse and worse. Like, the internet porn site to which he subscribed to. The girls he would invite to the house to have sex party with.
I Could Not Take It Any Longer
Being married to a sex addict is a shameful thing. There’s nothing more I can do to make him change. Every time, I would attempt to leave him, he would beg me not to, with a promise that he would change. But he’s not. He’s just becoming worse each day.
Living such a life is torture and very traumatic. I seek help to get past the pain. It was this time that I got educated about sex addiction and realized many things about what my husband was going through. I wanted to help him more than change him.
If you think you are struggling with having a partner with sex addiction, don’t you think he, too, is struggling with his addiction? Maybe much worse, for he has been hooked to it for a more extended period than you do.
What Can You Do
Try talking to him about it. Ask him how did he think it started. It could be something about his childhood, abuse, or whatever. Tell him that you wanted to help him, and have a better relationship. He would listen if he trusts you, especially if your guy is a nice man from the start.
The willingness to cooperate must come from him. You can’t force things into him. So if he’s not willing to get treatment, the rest is up to you.
Make Your Decision
You have to decide if you want to have some time apart to think things over or stay by his side. If you decide to stay, it means you accept his every flaw. Acceptance but not losing your own self-respect. You got to be sure that your opinion about things is still heard.
When It Come To Having Sex
You definitely have a say up to what extent you are willing to do inside the privacy of your bedroom. You got to stand up for things you don’t want to do. When you’re not comfortable with something, make it known. Don’t just do things blindly for his satisfaction. It’s your body, you have the right to set boundaries.
Fear For STDs
If you feel uncomfortable with the idea that he might have sexually transmitted disease, it’s okay to say no to having sex, especially with an unfaithful spouse. And when there are other people he wanted to be involved in your sexual activities, you can decline for your own safety.
It’s near to impossible to make your sex addict partner stop. The initiative to get help and stop his addiction should come from him. The best thing you can do is to get yourself heal first from the trauma. Be with a support group, have therapy, surround yourself with people who can help you get back the self you lost.
Then, allow yourself to forgive him from the trauma he may have caused you. It may take time, it may cause you to revisit the pain again, but being able to do that is very important for both of you. Your forgiveness could be the encouragement he needs to seek help.