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Trauma Of Being Married To A Sex Addict

We all have our dark secrets, which we would rather keep to ourselves.  I never thought that my husband’s secret was this worse.  But don’t get me wrong, he was a good boyfriend.   Our early years as a married couple were peaceful and loving until we had our first baby.

 

Things Started To Change

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He bought me erotic lingerie, the next day he had these toys, and it’s adding up.  Some, I admit I don’t mind using but not the others.  I allowed him to do some things for I thought it was just his way of spicing things up.  But things started to get weird when he invited his alleged girl friend to stay overnight, and she stayed in our room.  The next things that happened were the start of my nightmares.

 

It’s A Hell Of A Shame

Our bedroom which I cherished as our love nest turned to be my hell.  I have to give in to his sexual fantasies and has literally become his sex toy.   As days went by, things I was discovering were becoming worse and worse.  Like, the internet porn site to which he subscribed to.   The girls he would invite to the house to have sex party with.

 

I Could Not Take It Any Longer 

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Being married to a sex addict is a shameful thing.  There’s nothing more I can do to make him change.   Every time, I would attempt to leave him, he would beg me not to, with a promise that he would change.  But he’s not.   He’s just becoming worse each day.

 

Seeking Help

Living such a life is torture and very traumatic.  I seek help to get past the pain.   It was this time that I got educated about sex addiction and realized many things about what my husband was going through.  I wanted to help him more than change him.

 

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If you think you are struggling with having a partner with sex addiction, don’t you think he, too, is struggling with his addiction?  Maybe much worse, for he has been hooked to it for a more extended period than you do.

 

What Can You Do

Try talking to him about it.  Ask him how did he think it started.  It could be something about his childhood, abuse, or whatever.  Tell him that you wanted to help him, and have a better relationship.   He would listen if he trusts you, especially if your guy is a nice man from the start.

 

The willingness to cooperate must come from him.   You can’t force things into him.  So if he’s not willing to get treatment, the rest is up to you.

 

Make Your Decision

Separation

You have to decide if you want to have some time apart to think things over or stay by his side.  If you decide to stay, it means you accept his every flaw.  Acceptance but not losing your own self-respect.  You got to be sure that your opinion about things is still heard.

 

When It Come To Having Sex

You definitely have a say up to what extent you are willing to do inside the privacy of your bedroom.   You got to stand up for things you don’t want to do.  When you’re not comfortable with something, make it known.  Don’t just do things blindly for his satisfaction.  It’s your body, you have the right to set boundaries.

 

Fear For STDs

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea that he might have sexually transmitted disease, it’s okay to say no to having sex, especially with an unfaithful spouse.  And when there are other people he wanted to be involved in your sexual activities, you can decline for your own safety.

 

It’s near to impossible to make your sex addict partner stop.  The initiative to get help and stop his addiction should come from him.  The best thing you can do is to get yourself heal first from the trauma.  Be with a support group, have therapy, surround yourself with people who can help you get back the self you lost.

 

Then, allow yourself to forgive him from the trauma he may have caused you.  It may take time, it may cause you to revisit the pain again, but being able to do that is very important for both of you.  Your forgiveness could be the encouragement he needs to seek help.

 

Sex Addiction Is Real And Made My Life Hell

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Sexual addiction came under fire recently as a slew of VIPs, who are reportedly sexual offenders, checked themselves in inside expensive rehabilitation centers claiming they’re plagued by the sexual addiction to the outraged cry of the public. Even among doctors and therapists, the hotly debated question is – IS SEXUAL ADDICTION REAL? Or is it just an uncomplicated scapegoat for celebrities and other royalties, sexual offenders whose acts have been exposed?

Well, a man tells his side of this story.

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VIP Sex Offenders And Hypersexuality: A True Addiction, A Misconstrued Crime or An Easy Excuse?

 

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The recent surge of news about celebrities, politicians and Hollywood bigwigs accused of various sex offence cases around the country puts hypersexuality – better known as sexual addiction – under the limelight. While these VIPs – House of Cards star Kevin Spacey and Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein among them – and their therapists insist that they’re suffering sex addicts, the public cries foul saying they’re just making lame excuses to cover their sex crimes. Even therapists and medical experts are at odds about this condition.

Hypersexuality: which is which?

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Are You A Sexual Addict?

Finding out that you have a sexual addiction can be frustrating. It can turn your world upside down. There will be days when you could not stop thinking how this habit can affect the way your loved ones see you. You would feel scared about what may happen in the future. At the same time, it will be difficult for you to address the problem right away. It may seem that the world is coming to an end, but the truth is that you can still get over that addiction.

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Sex Addiction And Its Impact On Relationships

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Abraham Maslow explained that sex is a physiological need and relevant to human survival. True to its statement, without engaging in sexual acts, the human species will become extinct.

Nonetheless, this behavior can also be considered as an abnormal manifestation of a mental problem where in the sexual acts become more incessant and occurring anytime, place and with other persons other than one’s partner, not to exhibit love but more on the release of inhibitions. Psychologists link it to a history of sexual abuse such as rape, child molestation, or mood disorders.

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Understanding Sexual Addiction

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Based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is considered a basic human need. Both men and women desire for it more than others, even though sex is normally seen as something natural. The excessive preoccupation with sex might be disruptive to one’s everyday life. A person with increased desire for sexual acts is said to have a sexual addiction.

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Habits Of A Reformed Sex Addict

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Like any addiction, a sexual addiction is not easy to get rid of. It changes the way someone thinks, acts, and reacts, and the addiction will change that person forever. Also not unlike other addictions, the road to getting “sober” for the sex addict can make a person stronger than they were before and fill them with the power and self-respect they need, such is the belief of an organization called Ready 4 Change. Staying sober once you get there is the last tough part of getting clean, so here are some healthy habits and lifestyle changes for the reformed sex addict.

 

Accountability

It is always good to have someone who cares about you by your side through the ups and downs, no matter who that someone is. When going through hard times, you need a person to help you back up. When going through the good times, it is nice to have someone to enjoy it or share it with. When someone wants to accomplish a goal, it is just as important to have a friendly face at his/her side through that as well. An accountability partner can be the person who gives you that last push to get you to achieve your goal. Having a partner to keep you honest while recovering from an addiction is almost necessary. A person who knows exactly what your weak points are can be the strength you don’t have to help you resist the temptation to give in. While, yes, it can be extremely tough to open up to someone about a sexual addiction, it will be worth it when you’re close to breaking a clean streak and in need of someone to talk you out of it.

 

Identifying Emotions and Knowing Your Limits

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Oftentimes, emotions will trigger the problem behavior(s) in addicts, and this can be the easiest way for someone to fall back into the addiction. Because strong emotions and mental turmoil like depression, anxiety, and loneliness can act as triggers for the addict, they are definitely something to watch out for. The problem behaviors of a sexual addiction are usually a way to cope with those emotions. By finding alternate ways to handle anxiety, depression, and loneliness, it can become increasingly easier to resist the temptation to succumb to the urges brought on by the addiction.

In dealing with depression and anxiety, there are many treatments. While medications for these can be greatly beneficial, even doing things like going to counseling/therapy, exercising, meditating, or talking to friends and family can also help with these mental health issues. As mentioned above, having someone to keep you accountable can make all the difference in maintaining sobriety as well as helping with feelings of loneliness. The common triggers aren’t going to be everyone’s triggers, thus it is important to know what makes you want to give in. Sex addiction covers many categories of behaviors, habits, and preferences. Because of that, there can be specific-to-you triggers and temptations (outside of emotions and mental health problems) that must also be taken seriously. These can be images, sounds, people, etc., so it is important to be aware of the ones that can act as triggers for you.

 

Forgiving Yourself

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Lastly, recovering and former addicts should always remember that they are only human. It is vital that those who are healing as well as those who have been clean for years forgive themselves when they slip. The harder you are on yourself, the more discouraged you become and the easier it is to forget why you started the journey to sobriety to begin with. Make it a habit of reminding yourself of the reasons you are attempting to beat the addiction. Encourage, be encouraged by others, and stay strong. The road to healing isn’t supposed to be easy. It is a challenge and one that can be overcome.

How Porn Affects The Brain 

                                                            

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The science behind memorization, learning, and similar functions in the brain are familiar to most people. School has taught most of us about neurons and how messages use them to travel throughout the brain. Most of us are also aware that the more a neuron is used (repetition of a behavior or thought), the stronger the connection becomes. This is when memorization, second-nature, and habits become real and lasting, as long as those neurons are being used often.

Now think of how addictions form and the similarities between creating a habit and becoming addicted to something. An addiction changes the brain in that the connections become stronger, the behavior becomes a habit, something the person becomes used to on a regular basis. Porn addiction is dangerous for just that reason. Viewing graphic sexual images and videos repeatedly creates pathways in the brain that only strengthen and change the brain for the worse.

 

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Working Together When Your Significant Other Has A Sexual Addiction

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So you’ve found out that your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse has a sexual addiction. Now, this could mean a variety of things (excessive viewing of pornography, infidelity, etc.), but it doesn’t really matter at this point because the bottom line is that it is an addiction, a disease, and an extremely damaging one at that. For some, this could be the end of the relationship because of the severity of the addiction and its effects on both people. For those who want to make this relationship work despite the struggles of one half, it is an uphill battle that will be difficult for both partners. There are solutions to the problems, tips for the tough times, but in the end, it is how the couple works together that will determine whether they make it through the addiction or not.

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